A few months ago, some friends and I decided to do a monthly creative writing short - someone would pick a theme and we'd all write on it. The first theme was flowers, started by Elana. June's theme was waves, started by Christine. And this month, Kate chose our theme. She wanted us to write something inspired by a piece of music. So.....the song I chose was Decode by Paramore - and my short piece is written below. You can listen to the song as you read or before or after or whatever suits you :) I couldn't get it to embed anything but a 30 second preview, but if you click the link that says "play full song here" it will take you to the site so you can hear the song.
Decode (Twilight Soundtrack Version) - Hayley Williams
I was going to lose him. I knew it, could feel it with every breath I took. He was slipping away from me. No. That wasn’t strictly true. Because you couldn’t lose what you never had. And he had never been mine, not really. Every word that oozed from his lie-ridden mouth had been false, meant to keep me around for as long as he needed me. Keep me coming back for more while he was off finding the “true” love of his life.
But then, he still needed me around, right? Of course. He needed me because he couldn’t very well go around mauling HER, the future mother of his children. He would never think of blowing into a room, grabbing her hand and half dragging her back to his bedroom with barely a glance at her. He would never paw her and kiss her and treat her like a little toy, to be used and tossed aside as soon as his lust had been slacked. Oh no. Whoever she was would be his wife someday. She deserved respect. But me, now I could be treated that way. Why not. I was nothing to him……….
I reread his letters dozens of times. No, I hadn’t just been deluding myself. Over and over in the letters he had told me how much he loved me, how he longed for me, ached to hold me. But he was home now. Surrounded by familiar friends and faces. He didn’t need me anymore. And suddenly his all consuming passion for me dissipated, leaving him with a problem he needed to get rid of. And why did I care anyways? Did I really want to spend the rest of my life with a man who freaked out because his dog was watching him eat?! Who stressed over the tiniest aspects of normal every day life? NO!!! But still.............
It hurt so badly. I couldn’t figure out why. Logically, I wanted nothing to do with him, had already moved on. But my heart still cried out for him. Even now, when he had hurt me so cruelly. While I stood staring at my wedding dress, hanging unused in my closet, holding his wedding invitation in my hand. Perhaps the worst pain of all came, not because I still loved him, but because I realized that he no longer loved me, perhaps never did. That…that was more than I could bear.