Friday, January 14, 2011

Friday Funnies



ENGLISH IS A STUPID LANGUAGE

Lets face it English is a stupid language.
There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France.

We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

If writers write, how come fingers don't fing?
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth?
If the teacher taught,
Why didn't the preacher praught?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?

Why do people recite at a play?
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways
How can the weather be as hot as hell on one day,
And as cold as hell on another

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
Of a language where a house can burn up as
It burns down
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes off!

English was invented by people, not computers,
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn't a race at all)
That is why
When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they are invisible
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts
But when I wind up this poem
It ends.
(found at Writer's Humor)


19 comments:

lbdiamond said...

OMG, I'm totally ROTFLMAO!!!!!

LOVE the pics--that first cat DOES look ancient...and the black cat--whoa, wouldn't want to mess with that one.

The poem is HILARIOUS!!!!!!

Thanks for the laughs. I TOTALLY needed them today with everything that's going on. ;)

Kay said...

:) Clever. Witty. And oh-so-very true~!

:))

Stina Lindenblatt said...

I love it!

Katrina L. Lantz said...

Great poem! I'd heard some of those paradoxes, but lots of them were new to me! Thanks for the laughs, especially that last picture.

Perhaps this is why we shouldn't cross a black cat. Or was it don't let a black cat cross your path? Better steer clear of him all together. :)

Stephanie McGee said...

This needs a "Swallow all liquids" warning. Hilarious. I especially love the poem-type thing. And that last LOLcat.

Hope you have a good weekend.

The Golden Eagle said...

"It mocked me"--LOL. That one had me in stitches . . .

Vicki Rocho said...

Fantastic! Just the giggle I needed this afternoon. Back to work...

Melissa said...

Oh My goodness! Best THING EVER!

Elana Johnson said...

I love Fridays here on your blog. And I would like a hamburger made of ham. Yum. :)

Susan Gourley/Kelley said...

My husband is always quoting some of those things in that poem. I have a few more to throw at him since his are getting pretty overused.

Colene Murphy said...

Bahahaha! Genius!!! Love it.

Conda V. Douglas said...

Oh, I needed this posting today.

Jemi Fraser said...

Love it! I've got to use that in my class - the kids will love it too :)

storytreasury said...

LOL This is hilarious! Made me laugh out loud. LOL

storytreasury said...

LOL This is hilarious! Made me laugh out loud. LOL

Jacqueline Howett said...

You are so funny! The mind boggles.

Jacqueline Howett

http://jacquelinehowett.blogspot.com

WritingNut said...

Too funny and so true! :)

Len said...

LOL! I love this post, Michelle!!! I'm catching up on your blogs right now.

Matthew Rush said...

That writer's humor stuff is great!