Monday, August 30, 2010
Okay, so I had a bit of a rough day yesterday. I had to play a piano piece (accompanying a young lady who was singing). I practiced this song till my fingers ached. I played it perfectly (well, very well at least). I was nervous (as I always am going in front of a crowd), but I was prepared, I had worked hard, I was ready, I knew this song in my sleep (literally, the tune is still running through my head).......
I get up to play.......
I BOMB. Holy cow, choke city. I don't know what happened, but I'm pretty sure after the intro, I missed the whole first page. The second page got some play time, but the top of the third page for sure was MIA....I think I salvaged enough to finish the third page and end the poor thing. Oooo and I DID hit the final note perfectly, which is good since that is the one that is sustained with no singer's voice to cover it up.
But man, was I steamed! Furious! I'm still fuming!!! (my husband and father say whining, but tomato toMAHto right)
I am just so irritated that I psyched myself out and was so nervous that I flushed a month of hard work right down the drain. I can't fix it. I can't hit rewind or tell everyone to sit their butts back down because I'm going to pound those keys until the notes come out right (dangit!) - but man, I'd like to.
The good thing that's come out of this: I swear if I ever let my nerves get the best of me again I'll chop my fingers off and beat myself with them. I am DETERMINED I will NEVER let me get the better of myself again. And not just when it comes to playing piano for a room full of people.
The next time I query, submit to publishers, send off anything anywhere, I'll work hard, I'll get my manuscript polished up, I'll do my homework, and when it comes time to send off my work I'm not going to hesitate. I'm not going to second guess myself and work myself into such a state of nervous energy that I can barely think (it was bad, ya'all....at one point I looked at the notes on the paper and seriously could not translate them into what key I was supposed to push....k, it's kinda funny now....)
Oh no, I'm going to have some confidence in myself even if I have to fake it until I make it, pretend until I hit send, pray until it pays (you get the point) :D
P.s. seriously, am I the only one out there that gets clobbered by their nerves? I'm kind of wishing there was a video of this because it can't REALLY be as bad as I'm remembering it....can it?