Thursday, February 4, 2010

Ode to Spam Email


Oh Spam Email, how I hate thee,

Let me count the ways:

*she takes a deep breath*
Eh, forget it - there's too many to say.

I hate how you clog my inbox fair,
whatever you're selling, I really don't care.

I hate the hope my impatient heart feels
With visions of contracts and multiple book deals.

I hate to open those emails and see
All your spam advertisements. Would you just leave me be!!?

I'm waiting for emails about my life's work,
I don't want your junk mail, you mean, teasing jerks!

When I open my mail, I don't want to see
thirty spam emails staring back at me.

The only emails I care to receive,
Are those that are not from my greatest pet peeve.

So to my spammers, I beg you to refrain,
Just leave me alone, I'm going insane!

11 comments:

Jen Chandler said...

This is great! I just can't understand how people could spend their days sending out SPAM. It makes no sense to me. About as much as those people who hack facebook accounts and send out viruses. Really, people? Get a life!

TK Richardson said...

Oh, I know what you mean! I can't stand it either. I almost dread checking my e-mail now.

Elana Johnson said...

Too cute! And I hear ya. Luckily, gmail has a GREAT spam filter, and my emails go into a nice separate email folder.

B.J. Anderson said...

Lol! This is great! And I hate spam email, too. Grrrr.

Patti said...

I have to say that I don't get a lot because I use a Mac, but the few I get are extremely annoying.

Rebecca Knight said...

Wait, so you're not interested in Cheap Enhancement Pills or helping out the Exiled Prince of Wherever with his money transfer issues?? I'm shocked! :)

Michelle McLean said...

LOL Rebecca...and yes, believe it or not, I am also not interested in claiming all that foreign lotto money I won. I'm just weird like that ;-D

Eric said...

This is awesome. You know of course, that the spammers out there will probably start sending you twice as much just for spite :)

Michelle McLean said...

LOL no doubt. You know what really kills me though? I have three main email accounts. One, I only use for "professional" purposes. It's the email I give out to agents and publishers and that kind of stuff. The second one is my main email, the one I give to my friends and family and businesses/people that are important to me. The third one is the one I use for ebay and Facebook and MySpace and for when I order things from companies, etc - the one I know will be getting a lot of spam - which, yes, I do. But it's expected, so no biggie.

But the second runner up - my professional one! The one I don't use every day, the one most people don't have. Drives me nuts!! Especially, as I mentioned, as this is the one that I am anxiously checking for agent and publisher emails. Arghhhhh!!!!!!

Amy Tate said...

Where do you get these pics? Love it!

L.T. Elliot said...

ROFL! I'm printing this sucker!