Friday, February 26, 2010

Friday Funnies

An English professor wrote the words
"A woman without her man is nothing"
on the chalkboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly.

All of the males in the class wrote:
"A woman, without her man, is nothing."

All the females in the class wrote:
"A woman: without her, man is nothing."


The English Language

Have you ever wondered why foreigners have trouble with the English Language?

Let's face it
English is a stupid language.
There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France.

We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

If writers write, how come fingers don't fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
If the teacher taught,
Why didn't the preacher praught.

If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
Of a language where a house can burn up as
It burns down
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!

English was invented by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn't a race at all)

That is why
When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they are invisible
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts
But when I wind up this observation,
It ends. 

(found on Aha! Jokes. Click HERE for original site) 


Noelle Nolan said...

This really brightened my day. Thank you for bringing a smile to my face. I really loved the "A Woman: without her, man is nothing." Oh and isn't is soooo true.

KLo said...

Have you ever read "Eats Shoots and Leaves"? Your post reminded me of what an amazing book it is : )

And how about this? Only in English can
sound completely differently while they look like they should sound the same.

B.J. Anderson said...

LOL! Love those. Especially the one about the wireless cat.

Michelle McLean said...

LOL yes it is, Noelle :D

KLo - oh, that is so true. I really don't know how anyone learns how to speak our crazy language :)

Bonny - hey there!!!! Miss you!! Hope all is well :)

Nisa said...

Wireless cat. lol! Oh those were all hilarious!

Amy Tate said...

Love the gender joke! Have a wonderful weekend!

Tess said...

hahahaha...I love that English assmt example. have a great weekend :D

Shannon O'Donnell said...

This is my all-time favorite of your posts, for so many reasons! OMG! Soooo good! Thanks, Michelle. :-)

Have a great weekend.

Wendy (aka quillfeather). said...

I love your Friday Funnies, especially the wireless cat. Priceless :)

Caledonia Lass said...

That is just hilarious! Love it!
I have another one for you that goes along the line of Tooth v. Teeth. Why isn't the plural of Moose - Meese? Had to put that there, because I am from Alaska. ;)
Have a great weekend and I just had to have a copy of that first cat. XD

L.T. Elliot said...

That was a great poem/observation. ;)

Karen Lange said...

Love this! Thanks for sharing it:)
Blessings and happy weekend,

Jennifer Major said...

These were my Sat. funnies. Thanks for that. And, the pics are great!

Kathy McIntosh said...

I actually used that woman without her man sentence to teach a basic writing skills class at a local business. And really, the men and the women differed much as the joke did!

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the laugh. Loved the woman and man sentence.