Body Language

One of my weaknesses as a writer is an over-abundance of body language, particularly in dialogue. It's something I am very aware that I do, yet still, I tend to want to tell the reader every single thing my characters are doing as they speak. Stuff like this (as a really bad example):

Jane snorted. "I think you're stupid."
John frowned. "I think you're stupid too."
Jane folded her arms, her brows creased in anger. "You are such a stupid head."
"Oh yeah," John said, stepping closer, "well you're an even bigger stupid head."
"I can't believe I gave you my pudding cup!" Jane said, stomping her foot.
John laughed and winked his eye. "Well you can't have it back now," he said, sticking out his tongue.

Adding all that body language in with the dialogue really isn't necessary. It slows down the pace and the energy of the dialogue. Pick up a favorite book. Flip to a passage of dialogue. There is probably very minimal body language. Without all the body language, the reader is allowed to choreograph the scene for themselves, with the characters' words as their guide. There really is no need for all the extra stage directions :) Something that I tend to forget.

My first drafts are chock full of body language and it's something I spend a lot of time, and several passes, weeding out. Though...I think I'm getting a little better at reigning it in the first time around LOL

How do you feel about body language? Do you add a lot into your dialogue? When reading, do you like knowing every move the characters are making, or do you like supplying that on your own?

Blog Chain: He said, She said

This lovely round of the blog chain is brought to you by the fabulous Kate, who wanted to know:

Do you enjoy writing dialogue? Do you use a lot of dialogue in your writing (for our purposes "a lot" will be defined as more than a smidge and yet not so much that the quotes key on your computer is completely worn out.)? Do you have example(s) of dialogue you especially enjoyed from something you've read? Do you have example(s) of dialogue from your own writing? What about these examples makes them special?

*warning: the following post is long....like, REALLY REALLY long. Mostly due to the two excerpts I included. In fact, I think I'll try and pare them down some :D*

The answer to the first two questions: yes and yes. I do enjoy writing dialogue, probably because most of the time when scenes pop into my head, it is of my characters speaking to each other. I spy on their conversations and even have a few of my own, just between myself and I, more frequently than I usually like to admit. So it's kind of fun getting those conversations down on paper.

And I do use a lot of dialogue in my books. I think dialogue is a great way to get information across without doing an info dump, and it's a great way to let the reader get to know my characters. I think you can learn a lot about a person (or a character) by how they speak.

As for an example of dialogue, this excerpt is from Diana Gabaldon's Outlander. I like it for a few reasons: 1. It's an excellent example of using a dialect. The characters speaking are Scottish, and their brogue comes through brilliantly without being distracting. 2. The characters' personalities shine through - you can get a real sense of who they are. (there are two other characters in this scene as well, but it is rather long as it is, so I cut everything but just two of them. And 3. This scene had me both laughing and crying. Gotta love dialogue that can evoke emotions like that.

To set it up, Jamie and Jenny are brother and sister. They haven't seen each other in years. The last time Jamie saw his sister, she was being dragged into their home by an English soldier, Randall, who was intent on raping her, something she sort of volunteered for in order to save Jamie's life. Jamie has believed for years that she was not only raped, but had become the soldier's mistress for a time and had born him a child - both of which were untrue, as Jenny sets about telling him. Ian, Jenny's husband and Jaime's best friend, tries to mediate every now and then.

The excerpt begins with Jamie furious in his belief that Jenny had married Ian without telling him about what had happened.

"Did ye not tell him about Randall?" He sounded truly shocked. "Jenny, how could ye do such a thing?"

Only Ian's hand on Jenny's other arm restrained her from flying at her brother's throat...Then Ian put his arm about Jamie's shoulders and tactfully steered him a safe distance away.

"It's hardly a matter for the drawing room," [Ian] said, low-voiced and deprecating, "but ye might be interested to know that your sister was virgin on her wedding night. I was, after all, in a position to say."

Jenny's wrath was now more or less evenly divided between brother and husband. "How dare ye to say such things in my presence, Ian Murry!?" she flamed. "Or out of it, either! My wedding night's no one's business but mine and yours - sure it's not his! Next you'll be showing him the sheets from my bridal bed!"

"Weel, if I did now, it would shut him up, no?" said Ian soothingly.

(Ian and Claire, Jamie's wife, drag them off into separate corners)

Jamie rubbed a hand over his face, then raised his head, ready for a fresh round.

"I saw ye go into the house with Randall," he said stubbornly. "And from the things he said to me later - how comes he to know you've a mole on your breast, then?"

She snorted violently. "Do ye remember all that went on that day, or did the Captain beat it out of ye wi' his saber?"

"Of course I remember! I'm no likely to forget it!"

"Then perhaps you'll remember that I gave the Captain a fair jolt in the crutch wi' my knee at one pint in the proceedings?"

Jamie hunched his shoulders, wary. "Aye, I remember."

Jenny smiled in a superior manner.

"Weel then, if your wife here - ye could tell me her name at least, Jamie, I swear you've no manners at all - anyway, if she was to give ye similar treatment - and richly you deserve it, I might add - d'ye think you'd be able to perform your husbandly duties a few minutes later?"

Jamie, who had been opening his mouth to speak suddenly shut it. He stared at his sister for a long moment, then one corner of his mouth twitched slightly. "Depends," he said. The mouth twitched again..."Really?" he said.

Jenny turned to Ian. "Go and fetch the sheets, Ian," she ordered.

Jamie raised both hands in surrender. "No. No, I believe ye." .... (Jamie gives up the fight, but asks if Jenny knew that Randall would be unable to rape her when she went with him. Jenny takes offense at the idea Jamie would think that his life was a "suitable exchange for her honor" but wouldn't agree that she should give her honor for his life - implying that he loves her more, to which she replies:

"Because I do love ye, for all you're a thick-headed, slack-witted, lack-brained gomerel. And I'll no have ye dead in the road at my feet just because you're too stubborn to keep your mouth shut for the once in your life!"

Blue eyes glared into blue eyes, shooting sparks in all directions. (Jamie finally agrees he was wrong and begs her forgiveness. When she won't answer, he finally tells her he'll do whatever she wants. She tells him to stand up and take off his shirt. He refuses so she forcibly pulls his shirt out of his kilt. She walks around him, gently touching the whipping scars that cover his back.)

"Weel, and if you've been a fool, Jamie, it seems you've paid for it." She laid her hand gently on his back, covering the worst of the scars. "It looks as though it hurt."


"It did."

"Did you cry?"

His fists clenched involuntarily at his sides. "Yes!"

Jenny walked back around to face him, pointed chin lifted and slanted eyes wide and bright. "So did I," she said softly. "Every day since they took ye away."

---it's right about here that I start bawling in my Cheerios. :)

And, for an example of my own stuff, this is a favorite scene of mine from my first book. The book is set in 1850's England. My main character, Min, is a bit of a clutz but very intelligent. She has a huge crush on her dance instructor, Mr. Westley, who finds her reading in the library one day. I like this scene because in it, Min finally is in her element. She's not tripping over her own feet in dance class or accidentally choking on her peas at dinner. She is smart and gets to show it off.

Mr. Westley glanced at the stack of books on the floor beside her.“Jane Austen, Lord Tennyson, Charlotte Bronte, Robert Browning…” He cocked his eyebrow. “You have read all of these?”

Despite the anger building in her gut at his incredulous tone, she tried to keep it civil. “Yes, sir,” she said, taking her book back, “I have, several times.”

“No Shakespeare?” Now he was mocking her. The amused disbelief on his face as he settled back in his chair enflamed the familiar ire she felt whenever a man dismissed her as too weak and womanly to have a working brain.

“No, sir. I do not care for Shakespeare.” She shut her book with a snap and gathered the rest to her chest.

Mr. Westley’s smile was growing broader by the minute. “And why would that be, Miss Sinclair? Do you find him too difficult?”

Min took a deep breath through her nose and placed her books on the chair beside her. She turned to him and looked him full in the face. “Not at all, sir. He writes prettily enough, and some of his works are acceptable. But I do not care for his attitude toward women.”

Mr. Westley sat up, the teasing light gone from his eyes. He looked genuinely interested now. “I have always found the women in Shakespeare’s plays to be strong-willed, passionate, and powerful characters. In what way would that be displeasing to you?”

“If you’d really like to know, I have always thought Shakespeare’s view of women was too subject to the beliefs of the patriarchal society in which he lived. As those views were so much a part of his life and world, they were incorporated into his plays. As a writer, Shakespeare endowed his characters with traits he personally liked or disliked in women, depending on what type of a woman the character was meant to be. Yet, the base character would have been founded on the type of woman that Shakespeare lived with, the Elizabethan woman. ”

Min smiled as Mr. Westley’s jaw dropped and a rush of excitement flooded her chest.

“I do not care for Mr. Shakespeare’s portrayal of women,” she continued, “because strong-willed, passionate, and powerful or not, they all represented the type of woman that was ideal in the time in which Shakespeare lived. In short, women that were seen as inherently inferior and therefore in need of male guidance and protection.”

Min sat back and enjoyed the stunned shock on Mr. Westley’s face. Well, she thought, that will teach him to think I am some silly girl without a thought in my head but how devastatingly handsome he is.

He closed his mouth and leaned closer, his eyes alight with curiosity.“But many of Shakespeare’s female characters flouted their conventions, refused to marry their father’s choice, spoke their minds, chose their own paths. So perhaps, he was really an advocate of the independence and emancipation of women.”

“Perhaps,” Min replied, “but if you will notice, no matter if the women began the play as strong-minded, independent forces to be reckoned with, or as weak-willed, obedient slaves to other’s desires, by the end of the play, they always ended in the same place.”

“And where is that, Miss Sinclair?”

“Exactly where every proper Elizabethan woman should be, Mr. Westley. Safely married or dead.”

Min smiled, gathered her books, and stood. Mr. Westley continued to stare at her with a strange mixture of shock, amusement, and something else she couldn’t quite name.

“If you will excuse me, sir, I believe I should retire now.”


:) Sorry for the ridiculously long post. I think I have now beat everyone else on the chain LOL If anyone out there is still reading, tell me your thoughts on dialogue. Do you like it? Do you use it a lot? What are some of your favorite examples?

Be sure to check out Bonny's answer from yesterday, and stop by Shaun's blog to see what he has to say on the subject :D

How To Show Instead of Tell

Quote of the Day:

Don't say the old lady screamed -- bring her on and let her scream.
~Mark Twain

Okay, this is something I posted a while back, but my poor crit buddies have been hammering me on this lately, and rightly so! My current manuscript is FULL of scenes with way too much telling. Which frankly I find both ironic and hilarious considering the fact that the entire premise of my non-fiction book is the fact that people learn better if you show them how to do something rather than just telling them. Go figure :D

In any case, when it comes to my fiction at least, I need to start SHOWING. So I thought it would be a good time to remind myself of exactly how to do that :D

One of the “rules” I hear all the time is to show not tell. The first time I heard that I thought, “What does that mean, anyways?

Well, TELLING means you are just, umm, telling the reader what is going on. SHOWING means you show them :D Seems easy, huh? Not always. It is ridiculously easy to fall into the habit of telling.

As this is something I still to do….A LOT …it is the problem area I have been working on the most lately. Which again, is why I searched through my files to find this post – I knew I had spent some time on this in the not too distant past and it is obviously time for a refresher course for me!!

When you are writing, you want to draw the reader in as much as possible. Action and dialogue are two elements that really help to keep the story moving, that draw the reader in, make the story exciting, and all that other fun stuff.

So, if you have a scene where your main character is angry, just telling the reader, “Eric was mad,” is okay…but probably won’t be nearly as good as, “Eric’s eyes flashed and the big vein in his forehead throbbed like it was about to burst from his skin.” Don’t tell the reader he’s mad…show him.

In my first book, Treasured Lies, my main character, Min, was irritated that she had fallen in a puddle and made a fool of herself. I had her storming up the stairs to her room with the description, “Min was freezing in her wet clothes and annoyed that she had yet again made a fool of herself.” (Or something to that affect…it’s been a while) :D

One of my fabulous critique buddies pointed out that this was “telling.” She said that I should show my readers that Min was irritated, instead of just telling them. So, the passage was changed to: “Shivers ran through her chilled body as she climbed the stairs. She huffed and kicked at the muddy skirts that tangled around her legs, irritated that she had managed to disgrace herself once again.”

I do tell you WHY she was irritated, but I also show that she is freezing, and show her annoyance with her actions (huffing and kicking skirts). Yes, it takes longer, uses more words, but the result is much more effective.

Now, are there occasions when you should tell rather than show? Definitely. Physical descriptions are pretty difficult to “show.” If someone has blue eyes, it is perfectly acceptable to just say they have blue eyes. And instances like in the above sentence, when you need to explain why someone is acting as they are.

Show the emotion, tell the reason. Show me that your main character is sad by describing her face, her tears, her sobs. Don’t tell me she’s crying…show me: “Laura sat on her bed, her arms wrapped around her legs. Her tears fell unheeded down her face as her shoulders shook.” (as this is just an example, I won’t stress over the fact that I used the word ‘her’ six times in two sentences – but you get the point of the showing over telling). :D

Then you can tell me why she is crying. “Laura sat on her bed, her arms wrapped around her legs. Her tears fell unheeded down her face as her shoulders shook. She just couldn’t believe her mother had forgotten her birthday again.”

As you can see, the sentences “Eric was mad,” “Min was freezing and annoyed,” “Laura cried,” tell us what is going on, but there is no action, they aren’t exciting, they don’t connect you to what is going on.

The new sentences:

“Eric’s eyes flashed and the big vein in his forehead throbbed like it was about to burst from his skin.”

“Shivers ran through her chilled body as she climbed the stairs. She huffed and kicked at the muddy skirts that tangled around her legs, irritated that she had managed to disgrace herself once again.”

and

“Laura sat on her bed, her arms wrapped around her legs. Her tears fell unheeded down her face as her shoulders shook.”

These make me care, they are exciting to read, there is something going on. I don’t necessarily care if someone cries…I do care if they are curled around themselves with uncontrollably shaking shoulders.

Dialogue is another great way to change a telling passage into a showing extravaganza.

For example:

(telling) David and Tony argued back and forth about who was right. = blah

(showing) “You did too!” David shouted, his face growing redder by the minute.
“Oh whatever. I did not and I have witnesses,” Tony said, rolling his eyes.
“Yeah, well I have witnesses too.”
“Liar.”
“You’re the liar! Just admit you’re wrong and get it over with.”
“No way.”
“Yes way!”

= oooo, action, dialogue, something’s going on!! :D

So, bottom line – if it is possible to show something rather than tell it, do so :) But don’t stress over the occasions when telling is necessary, because they will come up. For the most part though, try adding some action or dialogue to really help show the reader what is going on instead of just telling them.

How does everyone else do with this? Is this something you struggle with? What are some things you do to keep from telling too much of your story rather than showing it?