Dreams Undefeated

My mom sent me a inspirational article she'd found somewhere. The final line said:

The truth is, you're not defeated until your doubts and regrets take the place of your dreams.

I'm embroidering this on a pillow somewhere, tattooing it on my forehead, spray painting it on my office wall. Anything necessary to keep this in mind. Why? Because the reality of a writer can be tough. So often our doubts and regrets get in our way. It can be hard to push that send button, to give your manuscript to crit partners, to put it all out there when there is a very good chance it's going to get annihilated.

Are we going to get rejected?  You betcha.

Are we going to have crit partners hand us manuscripts that are so shredded the paper barely holds together?  Yep. Been there, done that, will do it again. Soon (love you guys) ;-D

Are we going to have agent after agent and publisher after publisher say "No thanks, it's not quite good enough?" Oh yeah. Frequently.

Will we have readers and critics hate our books and give us scathing reviews?  Definitely.

Do you have a file full of unfinished manuscripts that you've started and then banished to the dark recesses of your sock drawer?  Probably more than any of us would like to admit :)

Does all of this equal failure, collapse, DEFEAT?

Oh no. It most certainly does not. Why? Because no matter how many times we get knocked down, we get back up. We write more words. We send out more queries. We revise for the thousandth time and then we sit down and revise again. The more we do it, the better we get, the better our chances are of finally succeeding.

We are never out of the game unless we take ourselves out. Only when we are too afraid, too disappointed, or too pessimistic to continue on are we truly defeated. NO ONE can defeat you. Those rejections can't defeat you. Those bleeding red manuscripts aren't defeat. They are opportunities for improvement.

I've heard those who say that no matter how hard you try, you won't make it. The odds are too steep. There's too much competition. The market is too tough. And anyone who tells you otherwise is just being nice or overly optimistic. Well, all of that may be true.

But I know one thing for certain. I definitely won't make it if I stop trying. I was scared stiff to send my non-fiction book out to agents. I didn't have the platform. I had the experience but didn't have the "professional" background. I did it anyway. And I'm watching my dream come true. Someday, I'll see a novel with my name on it on those shelves as well. If it never happens, well, it won't be because I let my doubts get the best of me - because that would be something I'd regret the rest of my life.

The reality is, our chosen path is hard. It's downright brutal.

But the truth is, you're not defeated until your doubts and regrets take the place of your dreams.

How to Balance Confidence and Doubt

Quote of the Day:

Writing a novel is a very hard thing to do because it covers so long a space of time, and if you get discouraged it is not a bad sign, but a good one. If you think you are not doing it well, you are thinking the way real novelists do. I never knew one who did not feel greatly discouraged at times, and some get desperate, and I have always found that to be a good symptom.

~Maxwell Perkins in a letter to Nancy Hale

You know, until I started writing, I had just assumed that all these best selling authors just sat at their computers and typed out a masterpiece, having full confidence that what they had written was golden. And then I met a few writers. I read their work, marveled at how genius they were, how wonderful their story was, how smoothly it flowed, how real the characters were, how supremely awesome and talented these people were. I told them how I felt. And listened in amazement as they melted in a puddle of relief, telling me how they thought their work was crap, how it would never make it, how afraid they were that no one would like it. And I thought, how, how could these incredibly talented people doubt themselves so?

Until I started down the road to being “a writer,” I was very confident. I knew I could write. I was good at it. Everyone had always told me so. I won awards when I was young. I have a Masters degree in English, (so you can imagine how many papers I have had to write in my educational career), and I received As on every single paper (with the exception of four - 3 Bs, and one (I shudder to say it) C – and yes, I remember each and every one, and each teacher who gave me those marks (and I am certain the C was because the teacher did not agree with my point of view, and yes, I will argue that to the death!)) :D

I was very good at non-fiction, academic type papers. And my first three publications were Chicken Soup for the Soul essays that I turned out in under twenty minutes each and only edited once for typos. I wrote them, sent them, and they got published. My confidence soared.

Then I started querying my first novel. I just knew that I would get an agent right away. I got a rejection letter or two. I was surprised, but brushed it off. I got a request for a partial from one agent and then a full from another agent. Vindication! (By the way, if you had seen the first version of my query letter, you would know what a miracle this really was – I won’t even go into how bad that first version of my novel was). Then the rejections came. Confidence shaken. But, one of the agents did say I was a “competent writer” (and yes, I still have that email saved in my files). So, my ego was a little bruised but not irrevocably damaged.

I got smart…I searched the web and found writers groups and critique groups and query help. And the critiques started coming in. I think I actually cried when I first saw all the red on my manuscript. And then I got angry and thought “These people don’t know what they are talking about!” And then I calmed down, took a close look at what they were saying, and realized…they were right. My storyline was good. But my execution sucked.

And here is what I learned…it is good to have confidence in yourself. It is necessary. You’ll never make it in this subjective, brutal, torturous industry unless you have at least some confidence in your work. But don’t get cocky. There is always room for improvement, always.

I have moments where I sit back, look at what I’ve written, and think, “Damn, that’s good stuff.” But I still sweat bullets whenever I post a chapter for critiques or send some pages off to beta readers. I always (well, almost always) have confidence in my storylines, in the backbone of my story. But I am usually fairly sure that the way I’ve written it is total crap. So I’m pleasantly surprised when I get a comment (as I did recently from a crit buddy) that says “Holy crap! I loved it!” And it doesn’t phase me so bad anymore when that exclamation is followed by “I do have a few suggestions though.” And I’ve learned that those few suggestions are not comments on my talent or me personally; they are what they are…suggestions to help make the way I’ve executed something even better.

It’s a very fine balance…you have to be confident enough in yourself and your work to continue churning out words, day after day…to send that work off to people who will shred it and send it back (within reason – savage critiques are of no use to anyone)…to believe in yourself enough to know that you can take those shreddings and turn them into something amazing. And at the same time, make sure you are not so overly confident in your greatness that you are not open to those suggestions.

So, how do I keep that fine balance between too much or too little confidence in my work? I surround myself with like-minded peers who are sheer awesomeness. They stoke my confidence when it needs stoking and knock me down a peg or two when it is called for. I generally have confidence in my work until the moment I have to send it off to someone. That is when I call or IM a writer buddy to hold my hand as I hit Send. My confidence will soar when I get requests – and I get to have a virtual party with friends who are just as excited for me as they would be for themselves. And my confidence plummets when the rejections roll in – which would be when said friends talk me down from the proverbial ledge and keep me from deleting every file I have ever written.

The stories clamoring in my head keep me writing, and my support group helps me maintain the exact level of confidence I need to keep going on the elusive path to publication.

Without them, I would be a raging ego-maniac until the moment of submission – when I would then turn into a blubbering mess of self-doubt. My advice to any writer suffering from confidence problems….get a good writer friend.